“This is the hall of broken limbs,” said Bob Nesbitt, my assistant and devoted friend, as our trio casually strolled through the halls of the National Archaeological Museum in Athens, contemplating works of sculpture from ancient Greece.

“And hacked off genitals,” I added, then stopped to view the sculptural group of Aphrodite, Pan and Eros.

“Hacked off male genitals,” Ada Smith, Bob’s girlfriend, corrected my statement.

“You’re absolutely right,” I said, casting a look at Aphrodite’s groin, which she was trying to cover with her hand, then proceeded to the group of herms standing in a row along the wall.

“My friends, do you know what herms, or hermai in Greek, are?” I asked my companions, after stopping at the center figure in the row.

Bob and Ada walked up to me. 

“I guess they are these rectangular stone pillars crowned with human heads,” said Ada.

“That's right,” I said. “And usually decked with male genitals, like this one before me.”

“I’ve seen quite a few of them at other museums, professor,” said Bob. “Many of them were not simply decorated with male genitals but sported an erect phallus.”

“Ancient Athens was full of such sculptures,” I said. “They were installed everywhere, in the marketplace, near the temples, in front of temples, outside houses, at the corners of streets. But on the night of June seventh in 415 B.C. a curious thing happened to all those pieces of ancient art. It was discovered early in the morning that somebody, or more probably a group of people, had hacked all the genitals off all the herms of Athens. Some of the herms also had their faces damaged, but the primary targets of these acts of vandalism were undoubtedly stone penises and scrotums.”

“Do we know who did it?” asked Bob.

“And what's more interesting,” said Ada, “why they did it.”

“Oh, it's one of the biggest historical enigmas, perhaps bigger than the mystery of how the Egyptian pyramids were built.”

“There's something deeply Freudian about this incident,” Bob said.

“Like castration anxiety?” I looked at my assistant. “Have you ever, Bob, experienced this sort of psychological phenomenon?”

“That's too intimate a question, Professor,” replied Bob embarrassed.

“What makes it so? You know Bob, I've never been shy about talking about my childhood traumas on this subject.”

“Yes, Professor,” Ada said, “everyone knows the story of how when you were a kid your sister kicked you in the balls right in the women's bathhouse where your mom took you. And how that affected you.”

“You're right, my dear girl. Having my testicles in extreme pain, while surrounded by naked giurl and women, was a hard experience for my young male psyche. Anyway, now I'd like to tell you why I invited you to visit Athens along with me.”

“Well, professor,” said Bob, “what was your reason?”

“To solve at last this mystery of knocked off genitals,” I declared, then turned to Ada. “Male genitals, no need to corect me, my dear girl.”

Ada gave me a smile, then said:

“How do you plan to do this?”

“My time machine.”

“Wow!” exclaimed Bob. “You finally succeeded in creating one, Professor.”

“Yep, my dear friend. I apologize for not giving you a deeper insight into this area of my work earlier.”

“I've always believed in your genius, Professor.”

“So my childhood complexes and traumas were the main reason for choosing my first time-travel destination. Athens in 415 B.C! The mystery of mutilated penises and scrotums! Now I suggest we move to our hotel, where I will tell you more about our future plans.”

To be continued.

More of my stories may be found here:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/Schlotheim

The story of the bathhouse incident:

https://www.wattpad.com/story/376633734