I don’t like to open up and let things out but I have to get this off my chest.  I lead a double life, as some of you know. I live a normal vanilla life with a wife, kids, pets, etc.  she and I enjoy a pretty good sex life, I love my wife and the life we share but I also enjoy my other life that she knows nothing of.  This life is we’re I am pansexual, a beta sissy for my bbc bull and his wife, and hope to be castrated and give him my balls in a jar someday as his prize.  I also delve into pushing my limits with Cbt and anal play.  I have tried to balance the two lives as much as possible and keep the two from ever interacting but I don’t know if I can keep it up.  My desire to be castrated is increasing and my lust for bbc is even more so.  If I ever told her any of this she’d be devastated, it would destroy my family. I’m not willing to sacrifice my family life for the other but the other pulls at me and won’t be ignored.  So here I am stuck living a life with an alter ego, which is starting to look more and more like who I really am thus making my normal life a facade.