Back then, I was not a submissive toy for her. 

We met at the College. I saw her first at the Math course, which I disgust. I told my friend that she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. With her brown hair and white skin, she mesmerized me at the first sight. I wanted to meet even though I knew that I had no chance to be with her. Since we had a couple of shared classes and spare times, we became friends soon after we met.

But unfortunately, she had a boyfriend. I was a naive 19 year-old boy, being in the friendzone was OK for me. I was enjoying company of a gorgeous woman. As I said, I wasn’t a submissive back then. Or, I had not realised yet. But I became an orbiter for her very easily. I was doing her homework when she is enjoying outside with her bf, or paying the food. We never spoke about it. It was just -happened. She never told me to do her homework, for example. She was just saying that her bf was waiting for her and she had to do this stupid homework, and I offered her to do homework -and occasionally, for her bf’s too. Just knowing that she’s happy was enough for me.

I was thinking that this is true love, and eventually she will love me too. Her bf was studying in a different college, so we met almost after one year. I already made some of his homeworks, but he never care about me. Obviously he was a selfish bastard and sooner or later my dear friend will realize that too. Whole college was went like that. I was making everything for her, and she was enjoying. Sometimes she was asking me to clean her shoes if it’s dirty, and sometimes I was cleaning it even before she asks. My money was always our money. She did not even asks for money, she had my credit card in her purse. But, we were keeping this side of our relationship in a secrecy. None of our friends knew our weird friendship. I never had a girlfriend. A couple of time I tried, but she made me understand that she didn’t like them. So I had to break up. It wasn’t a problem since my true love is her.

Her name was Emma. And she was my angel.

After we graduate, I got a well-paying job and moved to a flat close to my office. But it was far away from the city center. Emma failed to find a job for more than six months. Since I was working in a full-time job, and she was in a little depression, we rarely saw each other for months.

Around new year, Emma called me with a cheering voice. She told me that she finally got a job. Her office was very close to my home. Eventually, we were getting close again. We met at that weekend and celebrated the news. I felt that I am her best friend. Even though she is a little bit spoiled, I was OK with that. After all, I was in love with Emma for more than four years.

She was coming to my home sometimes, after the job. Her house -which she was living with her parents- was almost 40 kilometers away from her office, and it was a pain to go home in the rush hours. After we relaxed together for a couple of hours, I was driving her to home. Emma was still together with her arrogant boyfriend. But, in all of those years, I saw him 10 times at most. It was same when she started working. They were meeting at the weekends mostly. Soon after, she started to stop by my house almost everyday. After dinner -which I prepared- I was driving her home.

One day, I asked about her boyfriend. I was curious is he jealous of her coming to my home everyday. Emma said that “Paul doesn’t know that I’m coming to you every day.” I asked why, but she didn’t replied. We were getting more comfortable every day in the home. Back at the school, we never had a space which we can be alone. But now, every day we were alone and together. And eventually, she started to stay in my home occasionally. I was preparing breakfast and dinner for her. I gave her my own bed. She was just enjoying the comfort.  

One night, we were sitting at the sofa together. Actually, I was sitting and she was leaning. She touched my arm with her bare foot and said “Can you massage my feet?” I didn’t even wait to grab her wonderful feet gently. 

It was the first time that I realized it’s almost the first time I was able to touch her that long. After almost five years. Five. Years. Before that night, we were barely touching each other. And I was never avare of that. Five years of my life was spent like that. I felt broken. But, Emma’s soft feet on my hands made me feel wonderful at the same time. I was thinking that I was very close to get her. After waiting five years, she will be MY GIRLFRIEND.

But it never happened.

TBC