My wife is the one who wanted us to go to therapy. I didn’t. I said It was a waste of time, but in retrospect I was afraid of what would happen if we did go. Little did I know exactly what and how much would change. How much I might change. How quickly it could all happen.

That first day when we walked into Alicia’s office I wasn’t sure what to expect. We all made some decaf tea and sat on some bean bag like pillows on the floor. Really hippy dippy shit - I thought.

“So, why are you here?” Alicia started with an open and controlled smile.

My wife and I glance at each other.

“We want to improve our sex life” I say slowly.

“We need to deal with his anxiety” she says quickly.

Alicia looks at us and smiles with an almost impish grin “oohkay” she encourages.

“Let’s start with the sex life” she says look expectantly at me.

I cough and shift uncomfortably in my big squishy bean bag chair. “Ok. Well. Hmm”

“Sex is really important to me, it’s a way to find intimacy, to relax. I often feel like I want more sex and feel forced to take care of myself on my own. I also wish the sex we had was hotter, more intense. Especially I wish she was more into it”

Alicia scribbled down notes on her pad

“Ok what can you tell me about his anxiety?” She asks looking up at my wife

“He has anxiety. A lot of it. About the world, about work…he works really hard and I love him and want to better support him. Sometimes he drives me nuts though. I think part of it is that he always wants to be/has to be in control. Of everything. All the time. ”

“Not all the time!” I interject

“See!” She says “I think if he was able to just relax and let things happen once in a while it might do him some good. Also, I think he uses sex as an outlet and I can’t tell if that’s healthy or not.”

“Mmhmm” Alicia says as she writes her notes.

Looking at my wife Alicia says “What is your perspective on the sex life issue?”

“I’m not sure, maybe I’m just not that sexual a person? I feel bad that I can’t do more or do better… I mean sometimes I think we have really great really fun sex that I love but sometimes it seems harder or to go off the rails. I think when my husband is able to take it slow, warm me up, and do a good job of dominating me we both have a ton of fun. Other times I feel like he’s rushing, topping me without really knowing what he’s doing or having a plan… sometimes it just feels….”

Alicia took some more notes and chewed on the cap of her pen. “How do you think the anxiety plays in here?” She shot the question to my wife with a bit of a piercing gaze.

Before she could answer I piped in “Well… sometimes I’m really confident, don’t have much anxiety and things go well”

Alicia looked at me with a thin smile and said “Yes. I can tell that. I think the more interesting question is about the periods where things aren’t so smooth” She looked back to my wife.

My wife glanced at me and back to the therapist as if she was considering what to say and how to say it. “Well when he is in a lower stress time he does a great job of taking control and we play with all kinds of fantasies. Him being anxious or nervous is a turn off, honestly. I enjoy pretending we’re other people. We both get off on talking about him sharing me. But…” She paused. “I know sometimes he’s insecure about his…. size. And he can be a bit jealous. ” she added with a tiny nervous laugh.

I felt my cheeks get a bit red. I knew it was true. I looked at Alicia and decided to come clean “She’s right. She’s always been a little cagey about what turns her on. More recently she’s admitted it’s things like other people, or guys with big dicks. I am nervous about it… but…” I shifted in my seat as I felt my cock getting hard. “I know her ex was… a lot bigger than me. I know she used to get off to looking a craigslist posts from bigger guys looking for hookups. Once when we broke up briefly she told me I wasn’t big enough while we fucked… It was one of the fastest orgasms I’ve had.”

“What else?” Alicia says looking at me.

“I’m afraid she wants to sleep with other people”

“I’m too tired and burned out on being in control of other people and talking and working all day sometimes.. but I really want and need the sex and release but I’m anxious about being bad at sex. I just feel drained”

“What else” she asks looking at my wife.

“I get off on cum, but after he cums he’s done. I often want him to go down on me after he cums inside of me but he either won’t or gets turned on afterwards”

Alicia’s eyes went up a bit.

“Have you ever heard of kink therapy? As humans we experience all kinds of trauma. Psychological trauma. Large and small. Over time this trauma leaves what you could think of as painful knots in the brain. Various kinds of therapies are here to help roll out those knots, but one of the most power is kink therapy. This is where you recreate some of the pain and anxiety you’ve experienced before, build that up and then release it.”

She flipped her notepad sheet over and wrote for a while. She handed the paper to my wife.

“You sound like a perfectly compatible couple who doesn’t really know how to do kink” she said pointedly. “Let’s start with some femdom hotwife therapy since I think that will address your main needs and problems. The note there should get you started. Shall we make a booking for next week?”

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Let me know if you’d like to read part 2 or have any reactions to share.