Story Hub Niles struggled to keep his grip on the massive couch, maneuvering it awkwardly as Alyssa piloted the lighter top half. The thing was enormous, as unwieldy as it was heavy, with thick stumpy legs that seemed to get caught on every bannister of her twelve-story stairwell. But she insisted on moving out with it, and he certainly insisted on helping. He gazed up adoringly at the busty blonde, who was awkwardly moving her top end of the thing in no particularly helpful manner. “Thanks so much, Niles. You’re such a good friend. Chad would’ve helped me move but he’s out on some trip with his boys. And he’s going to get back late on Sunday all hungover and horny, so I’d really like to get set up in the new place by then.” “Of course, Alyssa,” he said through gritted teeth, sweating beneath the bulk of the couch. They’d hit a corner of the stairs, and he had to awkwardly straddle the stairwell bannister to maneuver the thing around it. The stiff oak leg stuck out, right between his legs, and he moved carefully so as not to crush the delicate hanging cargo beneath. Suddenly, Alyssa heaved her weight onto the couch. Something dislodged, and the thing shifted suddenly… And the entire weight of the sofa slammed into his nuts. He could feel the wooden leg crushing his balls against the plaster wall behind him, and choked desperately at the sudden invasive pain. But Alyssa didn’t seem to notice him. “Oh, I got it to move!” “Alyssa, please…” But she could barely hear his high-pitched wheeze. She jumped with all her weight, and the entire couch shifted again, pinned his balls even harder against the wall with her added weight. Niles could feel his testicles smearing apart as she accidentally pressed more and more weight onto the thing, proud that she’d finally gotten it to move. “Please, Alyssa, my balls…” But he couldn’t manage more than a whisper beneath the mind-shattering pain. He could feel his manhood starting to crack. Niles began to panic, and reached between his legs to claw desperately, trying to dislodge his nuts from beneath the mercilessly hard oak leg. But in his panic to salvage his reproductive future, he let go of the couch, and it shifted again, even more weight flattening his balls into pancakes. “Oh, I think it’s stuck again! I’m just going to kind of…push it as hard as I can to dislodge it, okay? Just do whatever you’re doing down there, Niles — I know you’re not that strong, but I’m sure you’re helping out in your own way! If only I had Chad here…” “Alyssa, please…please get off the couch…” “It’ll just take a second. I might be a girl, but I’m definitely strong enough to move this. Just hold on tight, okay?” “NO!” And she jumped up, and landed, and abruptly slid off as the couch twisted and slid down the stairwell. The leg stayed caught between his loose shorts, twisting and flattening his goolies against the wall. Niles tried desperately to roll them out of the way as it moved, but the pressure of the couch kept them pinned and trapped beneath as it moved, and he struggled to stagger forward to keep from having his balls completely torn off. And suddenly, she pushed it again, rounding another corner so the leg pressed even further up between his legs, lifting him entirely off the ground now, his testicles still cruelly pressed paper-flat beneath wood and drywall until —- SPLISH, SQUICK Niles felt two horrible wet explosions between his legs, and a split second later the mind-shattering nauseous agony of two ruptured testicles shot through him. Alyssa grunted with exertion as she finished rounding the corner with the couch, and Niles struggled to stay standing as she accidentally finished mashing the remnants of his nuts into peanut butter, the wooden leg sliding back and forth across his empty ballsack, somehow seeking out and destroying every iota of his testicular matter. Finally he found his voice, and let out a strangled, pathetic yell, yanking his shorts off as fast as he could to inspect the damage. His fingers found mush and pain and terrible wrongness where his balls had been. Alyssa shrieked at his sudden nudity. “Ew! You guys are all the same. I have a boyfriend, Niles!” “Alyssa, my balls!” he shrieked, and she squinted at the lumpy ballsack beneath his unimpressive dick. “Oh. Um, Niles, I think… Did they pop?” “...YES! I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!” “Okay, yeah, of course.” “Please, now, just…call an ambulance…If I get there right away, maybe they can save them,” he sobbed desperately. “They’re still sort of intact, I think…Oh God they hurt.” “Are you sure?” She grimaced. “They look pretty mushy.” “Alyssa, please…just…please help me!” he shrieked mindlessly. She was still so goddamn beautiful. So stupid. So fucking hot. His balls were gone. He was a fucking eunuch. He stared up at her, and could almost see up her skirt. “Well, we’re eleven floors away, Niles. And we can’t just leave the couch here. I’ll call when we get to the bottom, okay?” “Bottom…I can’t carry that. I can barely move, Alyssa.” He stared up at her, her heaving chest quadrupled in his double vision. Pain lanced through him, nausea and agony and shattered dreams all competing to render him unconscious. “Well, if you need to take a nap — there’s a couch right here,” she joked. “I mean, I know having your balls popped hurts like hell. I’m sure. But you’re not getting any more neutered, and my landlord will throw a fit if I leave this in the stairs. So just let me know when you’re ready to pick it back up, okay? I promise I’ll call you an ambulance as soon as we get it down. Oh, and my recliner. And my bedframe, I really wanted to get that set up. Although I guess we could use the couch if he doesn’t mind…” Niles dropped onto the couch and passed out from pain, the remnants of his shattered testicles sloshing around in his scrotum.