So, 2 years ago, I changed my name to Chest because that's one part, of several, that I like on a woman.
Last Christmas, the weather got really cold. We don't have any heat, just a fireplace. My gf told me that we needed wood for the fire. I went out and searched vigorously and came back victorious with bundles upon bundles of wood for the fire.
My gf was stroking the fire desperately. She shoveled wood in there creating a blaze of heat that would destroy Hades. Finally, we went to bed.
sniff sniff OWWWWWW
I woke up to the smell of smoke and pain in my nether regions. My eyes popped open quickly as I saw my bones, erect, burning, along with my nuts. My gf sitting there, huddled by my fire crotch, trying to keep warm and roasting marshmallows.
"We ran out of wood, so I had to use yours." She said when she saw the look of terror-pain on my face.
As I felt my private bits burn away into nothingness, I heard a song coming from the radio... 🎶 Chest nuts roasting on an open fire 🔥 🎵