Part one is here. Thanks, everyone, for the encouraging comments! These really do motivate me to write more. Same deal for this one, if you read and enjoyed, leave a comment and let me know :)
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After just one day, my reactions to Miss's control were so intense that I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me after a week 😅
However, Day two did bring a bit of relief as I acclimated to the new reality of my life: I really was fully under Miss's control, and for the foreseeable future I would be edged, denied, constantly horny, forbidden from so much as touching my (Miss's) penis without permission, and quite often have to pee with no ability to go on my own. And there was nothing I could do about it.
But really, deep down, this is what I wanted, desperately. The experience of truly mentally, emotionally, physically submitting to someone over the course of multiple days is a special thing. It's not a switch that flips, it's altered states of consciousness, created together, that develop and deepen over time. It felt really fulfilling, gradually sinking into submission and being conditioned to accept that.
Yes, of course there were times where at some level I felt like "I" "wanted to cum", "I" "wanted to just go pee", but deep down what I knew I really wanted was to strictly obey Miss and please Her as best I could. For me, this submission was in part about learning to accept and share these "I'm horny", "I want to pee" feelings without wanting to do anything about them-- since what, if anything, I would do about them was entirely up to Miss. In this way, Miss's control freed me from thinking about what I "needed to do", and taught me gratitude and enjoyment for whatever pleasure and pain I was experiencing in the moment. Also, it didn't hurt that I was required to thank Her after every task and punishment 😂. I always identified with this, but the requirement definitely helped build the habit!
Alright, day two.
I woke up at 8:00 a.m. on schedule and dutifully completed my morning protocol, including edging. This was already my fifth edge for Miss and at this point... well, I was basically leaking cum onto the floor by the end, every time. And yeah I was really turned on and couldn't think straight lol. Miss also had me tracking how long it took me to edge each time, and this was the fastest yet, only 6 minutes (strictly no porn or audio, just standing in front of the camera touching myself-- invariably I would fantasize about Her).
The rest of the morning and afternoon were more relaxed since we both had busier work days. I wasn't really expecting this but thankfully my blue balls got significantly less intense around mid-morning. Probably a combination of acclimating to the feeling and leaking during my edge that morning.
In the afternoon we were chatting casually and I accidentally said something hurtful to our dynamic. Then I overreacted emotionally to my mistake and made things worse. Though she had no obligation to, Miss kindly and patiently helped me understand why what I said was damaging. Handling the issue was not fun and sexy but it was necessary and I'm proud we didn't run away from it. Relationships take work, even if it's "just" completely and totally submitting to an internet stranger for a week. The effort Miss put in to help fix things only deepened my desire to be a good sub for Her.
I trust you remember The Spreadsheet from part one? The Spreadsheet where I had to record all of my activities for Miss, in 15-minute increments, as well as every bathroom trip and the volume of all the liquids I drank? This is of course in addition to my daily journals for Miss, and other benchmarks she now had me recording. How could you, dear reader, possibly forget? My rules and protocols, which I also had to assiduously document in The Spreadsheet, clearly state that The Spreadsheet must be completed to Miss's satisfaction every night before I can complete my evening protocol and go to sleep.
Here's how that went:
"so, how's your spreadsheet doing?"
"thank you for asking, Miss! I think I filled everything out for today and I put in my proposed schedule for tomorrow"
"I think you should take another look at it. Make sure it's really complete before asking me to check"
Miss was right, of course… I really had forgotten to record some important things: a recent bathroom visit and my total water intake for that day, and I begrudgingly acknowledged to myself that my activity log for the afternoon and evening was scant. In my horny stupor, I couldn't help feeling a bit rebellious inside even though I had zero conscious intention of expressing that to Miss. Heartfelt, obedient, grateful, submission was the goal for both of us.
Maybe She intuited how I was feeling, because even after really completing the spreadsheet this time, Miss gleefully ignored my request to proceed with the protocol. Clearly I needed some discipline and that’s what I was about to receive.
"alright, now I want to see a plank. hold it for as long as you can. if you can't make it to 90 seconds, then you'll have to repeat it. fully clothed since this is a real punishment"
I settled into the plank and to my surprise, I made it to 96 seconds!
“I really didn’t think I would make it to 90, Miss. clearly you are very inspirational”
“ha.
you’re welcome”
After sending Miss the video, for a fleeting moment I thought I was done, but oh no.
"now a wall sit. same thing, fully clothed, hold it as long as you can"
Wall sits are harder for me, so I only made it to 45 seconds. after viewing the video, Miss had only one word for me:
"again"
I was in that liminal state between pain and pleasure… would I be doing wall sits like this, late at night, of my own accord? Definitely not… but I craved Miss’s control, and Her discipline was bringing out my masochistic side. I sent Her the video of my second wall sit, and is this the reward I received:
"and again"
My legs were really burning now and I could barely make it to 40 seconds. How long would this go on? I had no idea… and I had to admit that excited me. I sent Her the video and crashed on my bed, heart pounding, staring worshipfully into my phone. Except for anticipating her reply, my mind was blank.
"last one, another wall sit. except this time you will also speak into the camera and record a full apology for your performance today, as well as an explanation of why it's important that you complete your spreadsheet"
I felt a twinge of rebelliousness and humiliation inside. This was hot. Recording the apology would only drive home the point that I was Hers, and I knew this was what I deserved. In a way, Miss's punishment was really a kindness, as it would help teach me to serve Her better. I did my best to apologize and explain that even though completing the spreadsheet was crucial to enabling Miss to better control me, that didn't matter: all that mattered was that she told me to complete it, and that should be reason enough. This felt like a real punishment, and not only that, a punishment which genuinely subjugated the rebellious feelings I tried to keep hidden. Did she already understand all of this without me telling Her? Was I already that much of an open book to Miss?
Miss praised my video, and I felt a rush of warmth in my cheeks, and joy in my heart. Taking orders from Her felt so good. By now, it was quite late, and Miss could tell I was ready to sleep. I did get to sleep, soon, but well…
“last, I’d like to see some snaps. watching you torture your balls puts me in a good mood 😂
first, we’re going to raise the standard punishment to 12. so 12 snaps, but since it’s already late, you’re going to double it and save it for tomorrow”
“yesssss Missss” I was practically moaning already. “just to confirm, 24 rubber band snaps on your balls first thing tomorrow morning?” The most I had done up until now was 10 at a time...
“correct. looking forward to watching your video when I wake up :)”
“Miss, is there anything else I could do to please you tonight before I sleep? May I touch your penis and edge for you?”
“nothing else for the moment. it’s definitely time for you to edge. but starting now, when I give you permission to touch yourself, I want you to avoid the head, and touch the shaft only. and, you may only use one hand. your choice which one”
“thank you, Miss! I will get started right now”
It only took me 6 minutes to edge this morning. With this new restriction, it took 14, and of course, I only felt more desperate and turned on by the time I finally reached the edge and tore my hand away, leaking onto the floor. Now that the head of my (well, Miss’s) cock was off-limits, I couldn’t help noticing it with every stroke. It was a new, deeper reminder of Miss’s control, and the fact that “my” penis really didn’t belong to me anymore.
I sent Miss an audio dedication for tomorrow, and gratefully received permission to sleep, the events of the day replaying in my mind before I drifted away.